Melinda and the Anniversary by
Shundra L. Moore is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License. Based on a work at
http://www.blogger.com/.
I was dog tired as I stumbled into work. The room was crowded with my co-workers. We were packed in like sardines today. It was the dreaded day of the office party for Cedric, he was leaving today. Not fired but just moved to another department. It was a slight step up but that was a secret, sort of. Everybody liked Cedric, but the parties in our office were usually just excuses to stop work for a few minutes. Nothing more nothing less.
I really don't have an appetite for food. I was hoping for good conversation with another adult about subjects other than the weather. The current events maybe, I don't know. Just something above my grade level.
Maple have you eaten yet?
Yeah, I have. You really need to try the meatballs. They really taste homemade.
What's wrong Susan? Why are you skipping lunch?
Oh it’s nothing I just don't want to be here anymore.
You going to quit? I don't think this job is that bad? Especially in this economy.
No not that here but another kind of here. You know the kind of here that labels my Spiritual walk and in Life in general.
Don't go Oprah on me.
What's wrong with going Oprah? Don't you want to talk about something or someone other than yourself? Me time is really so yesterday. Don't get me wrong I want my time alright, but I just don't feel like being the school teacher all the time. I would rather someone teach me a thing or two. Meaning with their lives. In conversation, and in the living of it.
Susan, you really need to stop the coffee and get some sleep. I'm going for a second helping of meatballs.
Maple came back with a super helping of those meatballs on her plate. Maple you’re not supposed to eat like big bird at a business party. You're at work you know.
Girl hush! I don't care about stuff like that. And yes I know why your moping around today I just noticed this morning's date. It’s the anniversary.
Maple I don’t want to talk about it right now. That’s a story for another day.
I needed this party to be more than a coffee break. I really needed this assembly line feeling that was beginning to trap me into one of my moods to pass. You know the kind of mood that makes one crave chocolate. Well anyway, changing the subject, the day was here and I had to face it as another day.
Susan you know it’s natural that you would want to find someone to love again.
Maple I said I didn’t want to talk about it.
You said you wanted conversation. So I take it I’m not the one you want conversation with. Is there someone in particular that you wanted to talk to?
That’s the problem all the good ones seem to be spoken for. And the one that got away from me was married to the Church. I really didn’t want to be the first lady of a Church. Too much responsibility, and all those people who are depending on you for their spiritual lives. And don’t mention that Daddy God really expects you to take care of them and not the other way round like I’m used to.
Susan you need to do a little growing up don’t you think. You’re pushing on the opposing side of forty. It’s time out for you to be thinking just of yourself. Anyway the more love you give away the more that comes back to you. Karma isn’t just for Buddha. Reaping what you sow works in the positive.
Are you finished preaching Maple?
Nope. I just got warmed up. You said you wanted to talk about someone other than yourself, so talk.
I need to make up my mind.
About what?
This dating thing really scares me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve for anyone to just come and pick up on. And there are times when I don’t guard my heart well. And getting hurt seems like it comes with this territory.
So what is there to do but go for it? You already know the risk.
Ever heard of I kissed dating goodbye. A minister I saw on TV talked about commitment first and then dating.
Girl that sounds like something that needs to stay right there on TV. That’s not something for everyone. Especially not you. You are really a people person in disguise.
What do you mean disguise? Are you saying I’m wearing a burka or something like a mask? That’s pushing it don’t you think.
You want honesty or not Susan? Just let me know. Well, you don’t have to answer that. I’m gonna be honest with you no matter what your answer to that question is. And don’t put our Islamic sisters down by saying they are hypocritical like you tend to be when you don’t want to face something.
Did I say that a burka was hypocritical?
If you read between the lines, that’s exactly what you said. Anyway the burka is obvious. Your inner burka is hidden most of the time. That falsity that you put up when you’re afraid. Or you regress into past victories instead of showing your true feelings.
Are you mad at me about something?
No Susan I’m not mad. I care that you face this so you can grow up and commit to a long term relationship and eventually get married.
I just missed a long term relationship because I didn’t want to be the Church Lady reincarnated, that’s almost all of it. And I’m sad about it.
Get over it.
It’s not that easy.
Why not.
Cause I don’t want to. It is easier to live in the past than the present right now. You know He was a good friend of mine who died on this day. But you don’t know the whole story. You know he had a heart attack while on the road to one of his father’s business meetings. But that’s not all of it.
Ok so tell me the rest of it Susan.
Maple, I don’t feel like I want that out in the air yet.
You don’t trust me do you? Yeah that must be it.
No, I don’t trust that I will be able to handle the test that will come because of the testimony.
You’re stronger than you know. Say goodbye to him and trust God. He’s in heaven anyway you can’t marry a ghost.
Well what other choice do I have? I can’t go on like this living with my past trophies. Even if I was Father God that gave them to me. I think I’ll become a Nun. Then I can literally marry the Holy Ghost.
You kidding right?
Sometimes. I want the best of both worlds. I want the family and the relationship to God.
So what’s stopping you now?
It’s just fear of the unknown, and a serious dislike of poverty.
God will meet you in the present. So just know you are not alone. There are a many a sister who had to let go and let God. Your dad taught you how to respect those on the other side of the chromosome world anyway. You’ve had more training on relationships than you have put into practice. So don’t deceive yourself. Do what you know to do. And leave the rest to God.
Dedicated to Friends gone on.
Set free of this life to live another.
Goodbye my friend to be.
If there were words to say, I would.
If we meet again in another season,
Maybe we could finish the conversation we started.
